If I Could Turn Back Time

Illustration by: Siska Kemala

I laid down on my bed. I think about my career path. If I could, would I want to relive the time and memories that are in the past now? I grew up without really thinking about my future. I used to believe that living with regrets was a terrible thing. I use the mantra to pass the days "Stay in the present. Keep moving forward."

As I grew older, I realized something about life: it could get pretty lonely. My best friends and I used to hang out all the time. But now everyone is busy with their own lives: work, uni, assignments, projects, family, relationship. I’m slowly but surely starting to talk more and more about myself in real life but it still feels weird and strange. As you know, I have a blog. I write about my life, I talk about my life. I’m also weird, shy, an introvert (not going to lie). Sometimes I’m not comfortable with talking about myself and what I can do.

When I was a kid. Like most children, I wanted to be a lot of things when I grew up. My teacher used to asking each student what he or she wanted to become in the future. Someone said he was interested in being a doctor. Someone else wanted to be a teacher. I said I want to be a writer or movie director. Simply because I loved reading and writing, making up stories, and sharing thoughts.

Back then when I graduated from high school. Didn’t you want something bigger in your life? Most of us had high ambitions when we were growing up, something happened along the way though. I know I was meant to do something more though. I see the same feeling in other people as well.

Now, as I reflect back, I notice that there are a few regrets I hold, particularly about things I did not do enough of in my 20’s.

If I had it to do over again, I honestly don’t know if I would have chosen an IT major, and I don’t know if I would have gone to Trunojoyo University. It’s true that I had many valuable learning experiences. However, I also feel like I wasted a lot of time taking general education courses that didn’t teach me the skills that I needed for my career. To this day, I still wonder why I choose that major. I still wonder what would have happened if I would have gone where I would have been able to focus more specifically on my major.
 
It's not exactly regret but if I could turn back time and give advice to my younger self, be you. Do not ever forget who you are, where you came from, and your principles in life. You might think you’ve experienced a lot in your life, but behold, take a deep breath, you are going to have the best time of your life in college.

I wish I reading more because it makes me smarter. It stimulates my brain. It takes my creativity onto different paths.

I wish to meet people, who I've shared my happiness with. I wish to meet inspiring people more often, to have conversations that not only awaken my passion for life, the good-times-only people, and the people I want to hold onto for the rest of my life. Surround myself by positive people.

I also wish to always make a positive impact on the people I meet every day.

Study hard. That doesn't mean you have to memorize everything, but keep onto the good information because knowledge is the only thing you’ll always have no matter what.

I wish joining the debate club since the beginning of high school, attend many tournaments. I like debate and I feel passionate about it. Debate has a huge impact in my life, it has changed the way I look at things.

The time machine. I could starts over and I could avoid all the mistakes.

Damn it, so many wishes that I couldn’t list down.

As I’m getting older I’m realizing all I really want is a “good job”, a “stable job”. I’ve learned that it’s never too late to catch up! So many things I still want to learn. This is not the end of the story, because I’m still alive, and working through things.